How to be a Successful Engineer

Robert Gauld

I saw this hanging in a prep room so thought I'd share it.

When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Experience is directly proportional to the quantity of equipment ruined or destroyed.
Past experience is always true - Never be misled by present facts.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Do not believe on miracles, rely on them.
Teamwork is essential - It allows you to blame someone else.
A record of data is essential, it indicates that you have been doing something.
No matter what result is anticipated there will always be someone to fit the facts to it.
No matter what happens, there is always someone who believes it happened according to their per theory.
The probability of an event happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.
The quantity which when added to, subtracted from, divided into or multiplied by the result obtained experimentally, will give the correct result, is known as the constant.
Experiments should be reproducible - They should all fail in the same ways.
If an experiment works then you must be using the wrong experiment.
An experiment may be considered successful if no more than half the data is discarded to obtain agreement with your pet theory.
For neatness always plot the curve first and plot the data afterwards.
If an experiment is a complete failure it can always be used as a bad example.
If it works when you tie a brick to then tie a brick to it and stop complaining.

When in charge: Ponder
When in trouble: Delegate
When in doubt: Mumble